


to dreams of home

by herwhiteknight



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Focus, Character Study, Gen, POV Second Person, Poetry, Pre-Canon, Prose Poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 11:35:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11417112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herwhiteknight/pseuds/herwhiteknight





	to dreams of home

you know             don't you  
close your eyes  
you can feel it             can't you  
you know don't you  
don't you  
don't you?

too loud              aren't you?  
too rough around the edges  
they try their best  
well  
they _have_ tried their best  
you know they tried  
don't you?

too much trouble  
too many words thrown in anger  
too many fists at undeserved faces  
doesn't matter that they called you  a dyke  
                                                       a faggot  
                                                       a homo  
you know it's your fault  
you know don't you?

you're trouble  
a pain in the ass  
- _arse_  
too foreign too british  
we don't know how to handle her  
                                 -handle... well, _you_  
but you do  
you know how to handle you

you do it by acting out  
by screaming when they don't understand  
when you just want  
   -something  
a hand that's not a fist  
a word that's not an insult  
an arm that's not a restraint  
a body that's not cold

they can understand that  
                        -can't they?

they don't though  
they don't  
you aren't enough for them  
you're too much but you're not enough  
you don't fit their perfect family of four  
they thought you would  
with a pretty average name  
a little girl's perfect name  
you were supposed to be  sweet  
                                         kind  
                                         docile  


but you aren't                are you?

they only make it worse  
tossing you around  
broken ragdoll of anger that you are  
they've all had enough  
because you're not enough  
or you're too much

you know you're unlovable  
don't you?  
feel it in your bones  
the ones that have been broken  
and the ones that haven't  
you know you're worthless  
don't you?

and  
well  
sometimes you envision the future  
because it's all you have left  
sitting in the back of a too empty cargo van  
staring aimlessly, scenery streaming by  
and thinking  
just thinking  
maybe there's a future that's better  
where you're not too much  
where they haven't had enough  
when their words and your future  
is just a beginning

somewhere deep down  
you know        don't you  
that life will get better  
you do know it  
you do

but knowing is different than believing  
and optimism has never been your strong suit  
so you tell yourself that you know  
but you don't

you really don't.


End file.
